Affair's Posted:
Fri Aug 31, 2007 4:14 pm |
> >>The 1st Affair
> >> A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went
> >> to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and
> >> woke up at 8pm. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his
> >> shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and
> >> drove home.
> >>
> >> "Where have yo u been?" his wife demanded.
> >> "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> >> We had sex all afternoon."
> >>
> >> She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been
> >> playing golf!"
> >>
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& nbsp; > >> The 2nd Affair
> >> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
> >> having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
> >> wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The
> >> joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified
> >> at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
> >>
> >> He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
> >> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling
> >> around behind my back?
> >>
> >> " The wife smiled sweetly and r eplied: "Not this time!"
> >>
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> >> The 3rd Affair
> >>
> >> A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr.
> >> Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
> >> Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
> >> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't
> >> allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
> >> It must be saved for posterity."
> >> So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
> >> "I have something to show you you won't believe," he said to
> >> his wife, opening his briefcase.
> >> "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
> >>
> >>
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; > >> The 4th Affair
> >> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
> >> opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
> >> She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
> >> "Don't move until I tell you," she said, "pretend you're a statue."
> >> "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
> >> "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
> >> so I got one for us, too."
> >> No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 am the husband
> >> got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
> >> "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two
> >>days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
> >>
> >>
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> >> The 5th Affair
> >>
> >> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
> >> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
> >> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked:
> >> "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
> >> "A nickel," the barman replied.
> >> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
> >> The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
> >> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife ?"
> >> The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
> >> here."
> >>
> >>
> >>
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> >> The 6th Affair
> >> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
> & gt;> "I have something I must confess."
> >> "There's no need to," his wife replied.
> >> "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your
> >> best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
> >> "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."
> >
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